Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Know Thy Addiction

I am an addict…and no, this is not some cute topic that is printed on a fashion tee. (although I do love those fashion tees haa!)  I have an addiction when it comes to sugary treats.  Aaaaand some of you I have just lost because my kind of addiction is not really taken seriously in American culture.  I get it, I ignored and made excuses about my addiction for a very long time.  You know the only time I had any kind off control over it?  It was when I completely abstained from it. 

I think that my addiction is like any other.  To help you understand the severity, replace ‘sugary treat’ with Alcohol.  Do you tell an alcoholic to ‘cut back’, or have it on special occasions…no.  You have things like AA and celebrating how many days or years of sobriety.  It’s also safe to stay not everyone that drinks Alcohol is an alcoholic…same with sugary treats.  For me…I have an addiction.  I know that now.  Does it make me sad that I probably can’t ever have a sugary treat again? If I felt that way, I would just struggle with my addiction for the rest of my life…and that is no way to live…not really.

I knew it was an addiction because I could not control it.  I tried so many ways to combat my over-indulgence and every time I lost.  Every time…for years. 

I knew it was an addiction because I could not control the amount I would eat.  One always turned into more than 5 or more, and then I added other treats to it and there were days when most of my daily food was sugary treats. 

I knew it was an addiction because I hid it from my husband.  My biggest place of gluttony was at work, because my husband doesn’t work with me.  My second biggest red flag was in our home, when I would eat sugary treats and hide the wrappers deep under layers of trash to prevent anyone from seeing them. 

I knew it was an addiction because it changed my mood, and it changed the way I treated myself and the others around me.  Almost every negative emotion I struggled with.  I was distant, short, depressed, lazy, mean, selfish, sensitive, annoyed…the list goes on. I felt real rage when faced with the possibility of a sugary treat and not eating one.

I knew it was an addiction because of how much I thought about when my next treat was.  Multiple times and hour I would think of treats…I would obsess about it.

I am now 12 days without a sugary treat.  I feel victorious!  Because I am a solid “no I can’t have that” it doesn’t bother me when other people around me eat sugary treats.  My family has eaten special ice cream each week, and I’m completely fine feeding my two-year-old treats.  For me, putting a “NO, not at all” has really been a sigh of relief and cornerstone in my addiction.  Sure, there will be people pushing me in the future who have no addiction…and that’s fine.  They just don’t understand it because they haven’t lived it.  My husband and family understand it because they’ve seen firsthand how I can’t control it! 

If you feel like you have a sugary treats addiction, I would love to talk to you about it!  Or if you think that I am off my rocker, give me your feed back and I will answer any questions honestly.  

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