Thursday, May 30, 2019

Treadmill Mix Tape

There is no drive or desire without inspiration in my life.  That is how I was created.  Most would label me as a lazy person…and I wouldn’t disagree.  It is harder for me to be driven without a real-deep-desire pushing me.  This real-deep-desire must hit my core fiercely for me to be moved or motivated.  When I come across something that does this, I must make note of it and use it to push me forward most days.

For example …exercise.

I seriously push against it, but I want the results of it.  I’ll do everything possible to get around exercise, even if it’s more difficult…I’ll do it, I dislike it so much.  My excuse list is miles long, and I can come up with new ones every hour.  The real answer is…we as humans need to exercise to be healthy.  God created us this way.  My sin nature really fights it, so I know it’s true.  I don’t like doing things that aren’t easy (lazy remember). 

I knew if I wanted the results I needed to put in the work.  My next task was finding profound inspiration that would motivate me to continue doing this until it was routine and accepted in my mind, body, and emotions. 

I can walk on the treadmill no problem; I plug my earphones in and watch Instagram Stories until my 30 mins goal is complete…but running… 😑😒 U.G.H. 

What can move me?  Visual Art & Audial Art…so I started searching in those mental notes I took of music that affected me, that made me want to run wild.  I have a playlist on Spotify that my workout is a bit different everyday because each song tells my body how to respond…and I wanted to share in case you are needing inspiration.  

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For – U2

Fast Pace/Brisk: Getting Ready
What Do You Mean? – Justin Bieber
Send My Love – Adele
Water Under the Bridge – Adele

California – Phantom Planet
Geronimo – Sheppard
Keep the Car Running – Arcade Fire
Where Are U Now – Skrillex, Diplo, Justin Bieber

All Out Run
Wake Up – Arcade Fire

I've only missed one day in the last 13 days.   I have discovered my drive, and also discovered that I needed more than one sports bra, one pair of workout leggings, and one pair of athletic socks.  haa haa!  😆😂  Which is why I'm excited to tell you about my Calvin Klein find at my local T.J. Maxx! First of all...I love Calvin Klein.  So I was thrilled to find this sports bra and leggings!  I was looking at getting another pair of athletic leggings and sports bra so that I wouldn't be doing a load of laundry every day.  During the memorial day sales I was shopping around and found amazing sales at Old Navy, but of course I would need to order my favorite pair because it wasn't in my local store.  The price was phenomenal though! Then I thought I'd look at our local T.J. Maxx just in case.  I found these Calvin Klein pieces for the same price as the SALES at Old Navy!  YAY!  My original tribal print sport bra and leggings are from Target. 

I would love to report that I can see an instant change...but no...not at all.  I hate that exercise takes time and you can't see results instantly.  U.G.H. It reminds me SO MUCH of paying off debt.  I literally feel like exercise/eating-right and debt reduction is the SAME EXACT thing.  It's saying "no" to the now, so that you can really enjoy life rightly in the future.  It's not fun during it, but afterwards its one of the greatest things of your life.

Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Know Thy Addiction

I am an addict…and no, this is not some cute topic that is printed on a fashion tee. (although I do love those fashion tees haa!)  I have an addiction when it comes to sugary treats.  Aaaaand some of you I have just lost because my kind of addiction is not really taken seriously in American culture.  I get it, I ignored and made excuses about my addiction for a very long time.  You know the only time I had any kind off control over it?  It was when I completely abstained from it. 

I think that my addiction is like any other.  To help you understand the severity, replace ‘sugary treat’ with Alcohol.  Do you tell an alcoholic to ‘cut back’, or have it on special occasions…no.  You have things like AA and celebrating how many days or years of sobriety.  It’s also safe to stay not everyone that drinks Alcohol is an alcoholic…same with sugary treats.  For me…I have an addiction.  I know that now.  Does it make me sad that I probably can’t ever have a sugary treat again? If I felt that way, I would just struggle with my addiction for the rest of my life…and that is no way to live…not really.

I knew it was an addiction because I could not control it.  I tried so many ways to combat my over-indulgence and every time I lost.  Every time…for years. 

I knew it was an addiction because I could not control the amount I would eat.  One always turned into more than 5 or more, and then I added other treats to it and there were days when most of my daily food was sugary treats. 

I knew it was an addiction because I hid it from my husband.  My biggest place of gluttony was at work, because my husband doesn’t work with me.  My second biggest red flag was in our home, when I would eat sugary treats and hide the wrappers deep under layers of trash to prevent anyone from seeing them. 

I knew it was an addiction because it changed my mood, and it changed the way I treated myself and the others around me.  Almost every negative emotion I struggled with.  I was distant, short, depressed, lazy, mean, selfish, sensitive, annoyed…the list goes on. I felt real rage when faced with the possibility of a sugary treat and not eating one.

I knew it was an addiction because of how much I thought about when my next treat was.  Multiple times and hour I would think of treats…I would obsess about it.

I am now 12 days without a sugary treat.  I feel victorious!  Because I am a solid “no I can’t have that” it doesn’t bother me when other people around me eat sugary treats.  My family has eaten special ice cream each week, and I’m completely fine feeding my two-year-old treats.  For me, putting a “NO, not at all” has really been a sigh of relief and cornerstone in my addiction.  Sure, there will be people pushing me in the future who have no addiction…and that’s fine.  They just don’t understand it because they haven’t lived it.  My husband and family understand it because they’ve seen firsthand how I can’t control it! 

If you feel like you have a sugary treats addiction, I would love to talk to you about it!  Or if you think that I am off my rocker, give me your feed back and I will answer any questions honestly.